So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I think pants incapable of making pants work
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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