We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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