I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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