Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
