It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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