If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
My cat gives me a boner
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
