i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
