if only i could text you this smell
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
