I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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