Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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