"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
