Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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