You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Randomize
