In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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