I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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