Barsexuality is the new black.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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