between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
