I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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