I feel like I'm in dance class right now
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
