it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
