you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
