I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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