glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
