i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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