WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
