i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
This couple is walking their pig around campus
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
