my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
