hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
