Heybabeimwearingurpanties
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
