so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
