we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
