i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
