The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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