I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
