I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
