Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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