DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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