Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
