i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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