Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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