Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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