my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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