Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize