I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
