You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
