Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
This is not my ceiling
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
