Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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