I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
