its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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