I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
