a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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