you didnt know i had herpes?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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