She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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