nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
