It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
