Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
