Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
