idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
