the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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