Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize