You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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