His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
