she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
