my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
