i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
