we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Randomize
