made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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